dear holly,

its the lunacy of jargon; the figure of speech which might or can be relate to if felt with passion and most sincerity of heart in depth.

i'm becoming aware of what is going on around me. but still, my heart and mind feels so poky, and yes, it could burst anytime, like a volcano so enraged, all seethed and excited to explode to sprawl up a big mess around beautiful nature and its fellow creatures.

there is something i would love to confess to you, of why this huge barrier is hanging us both not to be united as one soul, and its ultimately my fault. i invited you into my world and i left you hanging in doubts, which i wished i hadn't do. i wished you would have the power to read my minds for these moments and hoped you figured those confessions by yourself. but well, maybe i will just tell you myself once you are back from wherever you are. i'll miss you dearly.

so, how i'm living my life and principles has become a prill for me these days, with careful considerations and concerns from my own instincts, i tried to avoid the prickly pretty undoubtful situations. i do find it hard to breathe, sometimes i realised that i am even gasping to my own clothes to breathe for air. it's gone, oh, yes it's gone, it's so far away from me now. very far away, yet i could still sense its presence.

my soul are always screaming, through good and happy times, but, during bad times, surprisingly, it doesn't scream at all. it shut itself, though eager to be open up, but the darkness, was all that could be seen.

the light has weeped somewhere, and usually i come up to my own senses only in the morning where thoughts are rejuvenated and new ones starts stompering down my brain.

and to bigfoot,

had you not been helding on tighter, fought a little harder, been a little smarter to feel this love, i wouldn't feel like a loser. i agreed it was my fault to cause all those messy stirred up shits at that point of time. you wanted me to feel what you felt, but you have never held your hands and touch my chest. feel my heartbeat. it's running to the core, i am on fire, upon your soul, through the veins and my blood, i lived for you.

it's so insignificant for you to even find me again, though i have waited for you to be in my arms. us, simply equals to irreconcilable. you don't care anymore. you wouldn't give any chances for us to happen again. at all. sure it does. ask yourself. nah, don't bother, you prolly wouldn't fucking care at all. for these nightmares i have been sleeping with, since late summer of yesteryear, would you please come into the twilight and be with me. strike a conversation with me, smile at me, or just happily pick up where we just left before loud bang from my door and a voice asking me to wake up and have breakfast.

and boom, you disappeared until if, twilight shines again. i am sleeping under the silvery moon every night, you and you and you. it will always be you. it kills me. until the full moon shows up, let me have twilight, breathe against me, warm up my nights. let me hold you in my dreams, for the last time since its the only chance i got to feel again.



"the hardest part isn't finding what we need to be. it's being content with who we are."


i guessed in the end it will be time that will heal us, it won't let us down. you just need to rescue the train wreck, because its all yours

Tuesday, March 03, 2009