in the end, the one thats really gonna cry gonna sulk gonna admit its bullshit is me. me me me. its a real struggle, love sucks.

i finally decided that i cannot do these anymore. not anymore. i told faezah i'll get over you and not mentioned you anymore everytime i feel like shit and still i didn't do anything about it. so now, finally, i decided that it doesn't matter anymore cus by hook or by crook i have to stand up on my own 2 fuckin feets by myself and the whole lot fuckin truth is that there actually isn't any love around to help me fuckin do it. so no more okay, no more. not anymore. not for now.
love is out of the scene, out of the question, out of my world.


i'm done. gone going.

i don't care about you anymore. its time i do something about it and here it is now. its about my life, mine, not yours. i'll get over love, like i always do. i know i can do it. i sure do.

i'll do whatever it takes to ignore, avoid, forget about love love love. fuck love.

its a new dawn, a new day in my universe. by tomorrow or any other days, i will not see your name in between my verses. i will not listen to words of regret, i will painlessly ignore your remorse.

forget about my random confessions on you, it doesn't matter, you're still going to be confused. i am sick of telling you how much i want you and you just laughed about it all along. if you think you are fucking scared of being in love, why bother to make it come? stupid fuck. i'm here to take every risks i can to be with you, i am playing with the biggest fire that may destroy my own world, but you, you are too coward to prove to yourself that you are even worth your own love. you are bullshit. what do you want from me? go fucking get lost. go fuckin find someone else you can talk and text and tell him how much tired you have been the whole fuckin day after your everyday busy schedule of work. i can't do this anymore, i realised that you are just a waste of my time. you don't benefit me in anyway. can't you just understand that i don't want to be just a friend for you? i want to be someone special in your heart. someone that really matters much to you. maybe i am just too impatient with you. i guessed so. yes i am pissed, i am disappointed, but not at you, at myself, for being such a fuckin stupid cunt loser. i'm a sucker for love. i'm a sucker for you. or maybe i'm too paranoid. but i don't care anymore. i'm done anyway.

as i am typing this, i know this whole fucking thing could be just infatuations.
but who cares, i am moving on.

all i ever wanted was someone like bigfoot. and i saw it in you. but... i don't think it will ever happen. it never will. and i have to forget about you because you reminded me so much of bigfoot and it hurts so badly. it hurts fucking badly. all this while that i have been trying to avoid and ignore you, it's not because i want to, but because i have no choice. i hope you understand why now. your heart is just too beautiful, so beautiful it shines, glows and relights my whole entire universe, my whole world.

but well, it doesn't matter anymore. i have to go fix my own world on my own now.


i will rise to the stars, and you'll be the one watching me from just afar.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009